Hormones Really Suck!

Sometimes being a woman really sucks! I'm blaming it all on the depo. Which by the way, as long as the Essure worked this time, I won't need anymore depo shots. I'll drink to that! If you don't know what Essure is I'll try to explain. Basically they take a skinny little coil and plug your fallopian tubes with it. After a few months the tube closes around it and then no more babies. The first time I had it done I lived in a tiny little town where they ended up closing down the hospitals birthing center. My doctor did my procedure literally about a week before he left town for another job. Since I no longer had a doctor I never went back in for the test to make sure everything was sealed up. Everything was perfectly fine for almost two years so I figured it was safe to assume the baby factory was closed. Then Josh and I got together for the first time since we were kids. Now let me remind you that I already had three kids at that point and Josh had three kids too. The weekend before my birthday, Josh's Mom asked if I could have any more kids and we told her no. Well according to my due date and Baby Centers conception calculator, I got pregnant on my birthday! The hospital told me that it was going to be an ectopic pregnancy, We were both crushed. Yes it was extremely bad timing but we really wanted to have a baby together. We just didn't plan it that soon. Two days later I went to the doctors for a follow up and he assured me that everything was perfectly fine and he dubbed her our miracle baby.

Now that my little miracle is almost seven months old and is the youngest of seven children, I find myself getting very emotional over the tiniest little things, especially Riley getting bigger. I know that I don't need any more kids, we've got our hands full as it is. But just knowing that she's the last baby I'm ever going to have is kind of sad. Pretty much all I've ever done is raise kids. I don't really know anything else. Now I know I still have quite a few more years where my kids need me but the day will come when they are all older and they won't need as much from me. I should be thrilled by that thought but instead it kind of scares me. What do I do with my life when they don't need me as much? I keep saying that I need to find something  to do with myself now so that down the road I have something for me. Something that makes me feel useful and productive. And something that helps take some of the financial burden off of Josh.

Ok, enough rambling for now. I haven't accomplished much this week and there's a pile of dirty laundry waiting for me.

Hormones and other rants

My hormones must be off the freaking chart!!!! So far I think this might actually be my most difficult pregnancy. I'm tired constantly, can't hardly stand the smell of anything, especially food. I feel like crying but can't. Feel like screaming, but again can't. I feel depressed, mad, sad and confused. Half the time I don't know what the hell I'm doing or feeling. Between this emotional roller coaster, nausea and migraines, I have no motivation to do anything besides the bare necessities. And that just depresses me even more.

I'm even starting to really really miss the small town in Ohio that I just moved away from. I've wanted to come back to Tucson for so many years now, but now that I'm here, I just don't know. I hate the schools and there's too much crime. My daughter's elementary school was put on lock down last week cause the was a shooting in the area! They didn't even call the parents. Just sent home notes at the end of the day. And Jordyn hates this school. She can't stand her teacher, and the kids are all so bad that the whole class loses their recess on a regular basis. Every time I've sent a note to her teacher about something, she never responds. Her work hardly ever gets sent home, and I haven't seen one of her spelling test since she started there. This just doesn't work for me. I need to be kept informed on what is going on with my child at school. We didn't have any of these problems at her old school. The staff was amazing, the kids were friendly, and Jordyn thrived there. I really really don't want to homeschool her but I'm seriously considering it!

And I really need to find something I can do from home to make money. I don't want to give up the benefits of staying home with my kids while they're young, but I need to make money. Hubby who I'm separated from, is no help financially, and even though I take care of the house and all of the kids, I still just feel too dependant on others. I need something to give me some sense of Independence. But there's so many work at home scams out there, that I'm not sure how to go about finding something legit. Does anybody have any advice?