Hormones Really Suck!

Sometimes being a woman really sucks! I'm blaming it all on the depo. Which by the way, as long as the Essure worked this time, I won't need anymore depo shots. I'll drink to that! If you don't know what Essure is I'll try to explain. Basically they take a skinny little coil and plug your fallopian tubes with it. After a few months the tube closes around it and then no more babies. The first time I had it done I lived in a tiny little town where they ended up closing down the hospitals birthing center. My doctor did my procedure literally about a week before he left town for another job. Since I no longer had a doctor I never went back in for the test to make sure everything was sealed up. Everything was perfectly fine for almost two years so I figured it was safe to assume the baby factory was closed. Then Josh and I got together for the first time since we were kids. Now let me remind you that I already had three kids at that point and Josh had three kids too. The weekend before my birthday, Josh's Mom asked if I could have any more kids and we told her no. Well according to my due date and Baby Centers conception calculator, I got pregnant on my birthday! The hospital told me that it was going to be an ectopic pregnancy, We were both crushed. Yes it was extremely bad timing but we really wanted to have a baby together. We just didn't plan it that soon. Two days later I went to the doctors for a follow up and he assured me that everything was perfectly fine and he dubbed her our miracle baby.

Now that my little miracle is almost seven months old and is the youngest of seven children, I find myself getting very emotional over the tiniest little things, especially Riley getting bigger. I know that I don't need any more kids, we've got our hands full as it is. But just knowing that she's the last baby I'm ever going to have is kind of sad. Pretty much all I've ever done is raise kids. I don't really know anything else. Now I know I still have quite a few more years where my kids need me but the day will come when they are all older and they won't need as much from me. I should be thrilled by that thought but instead it kind of scares me. What do I do with my life when they don't need me as much? I keep saying that I need to find something  to do with myself now so that down the road I have something for me. Something that makes me feel useful and productive. And something that helps take some of the financial burden off of Josh.

Ok, enough rambling for now. I haven't accomplished much this week and there's a pile of dirty laundry waiting for me.