Raising a daughter

Repost from earlier this year and a much needed reawakening.              

Raising a daughter is one of the most rewarding, life changing things you can ever do, but it is also one of the scariest. It goes beyond making sure she’s fed and has clothes and shelter. A young girl’s confidence and self-esteem are so fragile. Everything you say, do and show her tells her something about herself. And sometimes the message she gets isn’t the one you intended to give her.

I never had very much confidence or self-esteem myself when I was growing up. Perhaps this is in part why when I was nineteen I hooked up with a man nine years older than me. I was young, naive and insecure. I had no idea who I really was. Within a month of being together I was pregnant. I gave birth to my daughter when I was twenty. She was a huge shock to me. My tenseness and insecurity seemed to get passed on to her right from the beginning. She and I both spent many days crying our eyes out. I think the fact that I wasn’t comfortable with myself told my infant daughter that I wasn’t comfortable with her and was the breeding ground for her own insecurities to start building. So before she had even reached her first milestone, I had unintentionally taught her a lesson that she never should have learned.

The relationship between my baby and me didn’t seem to be getting any better over the years. I was still trying to find my place in the world, and even though her basic needs were met my patience didn’t always extend to playing with her as much as I should have. It was easier to tell her to go play with her toys or with her cousins then it was to actually sit on the floor and give her the one-on-one attention she needed and wanted from me. When I did try to devote more time and attention to her, her needs seemed to be unsationable. She couldn’t get enough attention. I dressed her in adorable clothes and fixed her hair pretty, showed her off at work on my days off, but to actually sit and listen to what seemed like non-stop rambling, was just too much. In this way I taught her that it was important to look pretty but that what she had to say wasn’t important to me. And if her thoughts weren’t important to her own mother, why should they be important to anybody else. Another lesson better left unlearned.

Then came the day that her father and I, who had been separated since she was seven months old, got back together. She was three and a half by this time and had never really known him. Even though he was older than I was he didn’t have much patience for her non-stop questions and stories either. He was a better playmate for her than I was since to him this was all new but his limits were quickly reached. Then she was sent off to her room to play. It wasn’t long before we got married and I became pregnant with a boy, which is what my husband had always wanted. I was learning to be more patient with my daughter, while her father seemed to get less patient. His lack of patience seemed to get worse the older our son got. Everything was about Daddy’s little buddy. The lesson here, her brother was more important than she was.

Now we have a third child, another daughter, who my husband lavishes attention on. Luckily, our first born seems to truly love her younger brother and sister even though her father treats them better than he does her. She and I still have times when we but heads, she still requires more time and patience then my other two children, but in a way we’re closer because of it.

My daughter’s insecurities were made painfully clear to me just last night. She had gotten in trouble for something she did at a friend’s house, which I handled just between me and her. Unfortunately, her father found out about it and she got in trouble again, even though I told him I had handled it. I went to her room to talk to her and what she had to say shocked me. She said that she wished her life could be different. No seven year old child should ever have to feel that way. She proceeded to tell me that she felt like she was always in trouble and that it didn’t matter how hard she tried to be good. She felt that her dad was always mad at her and saying mean things to her and that she didn’t feel like he loved her. I agree with her that he’s not as nice to her as he is to her siblings. I get on to him about it all the time, sometimes quietly sometimes with shouting and arguments. In the end he usually apologizes but it always ends up happening again. She forgives him because she wants his love and attention but you can tell by the look in her eyes that she knows it won’t be the last time. Even though I say something to him about his behavior I’m not actually doing anything to stop it from happening. This is teaching her that she’s not important and not as deserving of love and affection.

I love my daughter dearly, but the things she said to me last night made it very clear to me that I’m not doing my job as a mother. It’s my place to not only teach her, but protect and nurture her as well. Physically, she’s perfectly healthy and cared for, but emotionally she’s being neglected. I lost sight of what my job was, to help her build the confidence and self-esteem she needs to grow and function in this world. To give her the tools she needs to find her place in this world. Raising a daughter is very rewarding but it’s a huge responsibility too. Never again will I forget how fragile and insecure they can be.

5 Things I have learned from my toddler

Good and bad, here are some things that I have learned from my toddler.

1. The best part of going to the beach is eating the sand.
2. Diapers CANNOT be pooped in unless they are fresh!
3. There is no 5 second rule, if it's on the ground, it's fair game.
4. Crying uncontrolably for 20 minutes or more will drive mommy berserk enough that she either gives in or walks outside until the tantrum is over.
5. Even on the worse days, a smile, a kiss, and a big hug can make it all worth while!

Worst mommy in the world!

Usually everybody post how much they love their kids and how precious they are, well I still love my kids, but today I am the worst mother in the world because I can't stand the little fuckers today!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, you heard me right, I actually said that! I'm I'm so pissed right now that I just don't care!

I know what I'm about to say might sound like a little thing to most of you, but today, it is a HUGE thing to me. Every single damn time that Jordyn takes a shower, she completely soaks the floor. I'm not talking about just a little bit of water, I'm talking an inch or more of standing water all over the bathroom. This time she really picked the wrong day to piss me off. In the process of doing this, she ruined a whole box of pantie liners and some of my tampons.

I'm so mad at her and so mad at myself that I just feel like bawling my eyes out! I don't know how many times I said fuck to her, and I don't ever talk like that to my kids! She was in her room with the door closed getting dressed, I was in the bathroom trying to repair the damage and not kill her, and I was talking to myself calling her a little bitch!!!!!!!!!!!

I have got to be the ultimate worst mother in the entire world!!!!!!! Please, Please, somebody, anybody, tell me I'm not alone and that I didn't just scar her for life!!!

So much to say, so little time to type

First off, please everybody head over to my other blog Mommy's Naughty Side and check out my latest review for Good Vibrations. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

Secondly, I know I've been missing again lately. I promise I have a good reason this time. Tuesday was Jordyn's 8th birthday. Wow, that still seems amazing to me! Anyways, we were in the car running some errands when my hubby asks her what she wants to do for her bday. Her answer? Go see her Grandparents and Aunt and Uncle, who live an hour away. So off we go to go visiting. Luckily, they were home cause we didn't even stop to call. That was Tuesday, we didn't come home until Thursday and that was just long enough to shower and grab a few things. Then we were on the road again. We stayed another night and came home Friday afternoon. During this time there were no naps for the little ones and Holly had to sleep with me. This means that each night the kids didn't go to bed until at least midnight. As nice and fun as it was to visit, even I was crying to come home eventually, literally!

Then on Saturday we met at a half way point at a really pretty little  park, and had Jordyn's birthday party. It was small this year but a complete success! See, I had a totally legit reason for being absent from you all.

Last but certainly not least, the wonderfully Cinful Cinnamon has presented me with The Versatile Blogger Award. Muawww....kisses, kisses, thank you so much! If you haven't checked her out yet you're so missing out. So get your butt over there to visit with her, I'll wait......Ok, you back? See, I told you she was awesome!



Ok, now on to the rules for receiving this amazing award.



1. Thank the person who gave the award and link back to them in your post.

2. Share 7 things about yourself.

3. Pass this award along to 15 recently discovered blogs. 

 

Ok, I did my thank you's

Now, 7 things about myself...

1. I have 2 half brothers, 1 half sister, 2 step brothers and 1 step sister, but I didn't really grow up with any of them.

2. My hubby is my only real adult relationship.

3. My favorite color is baby blue. Which might explain my weakness for blue eyes.

4. I constantly second guess myself, which makes making decisions really difficult sometimes.

5. I just discovered I have a slight flair for writing erotic blog posts.

6. I'm shy so I don't make friends quickly but once I do I'm fiercely loyal to them.

7. I have so many things stored up in my brain that I would love to write about, but I'm too afraid of certain people reading them. They say to write what you know and some may not appreciate what I know. 

Now the hardest part, to pass this along to 15 blogs. If I don't mention you it's not because you're not amazing it's just because there are so many of you.

1. Motherhood, WTF? 

2. Sara's Organized Chaos

3. Lady-Like Pervert

4. The bipolar Diva 

5. A Day in the Wife 

6. Bad Girl Bloggers 

7. Love, Esme 

8. Mama Insomnia 

9. Mama's Losin' It! 

10. Because Motherhood Sucks 

11. The Bored Mommy 

12. Scary Mommy 

13. Not A Supermom 

14. My Time as Mom 

15. If You Can Make A Stranger Laugh

Mommy's Naughty Side

I'm trying something a little different, for me at least. I just created a blog called Mommy's Naughty Side. It's still under construction but Blogger is making that a little difficult today. I would really appreciate it if my wonderful followers would stop by there and follow there as well. Thank you so much, lots of hugs and kisses!

In-laws and orange juice.

I was trying to think of a good title for today's post to catch you all up on the going on's this week and since I'm sleep deprived, this was the best I could come up with, I gotta start with my favorite Seriously?! moment this week. At my father-in-laws house last night, Hunter decided he wanted some orange juice. So I go into the kitchen to get him some. Out of habit, I always look at the expiration date before I use anything. The OJ said July 21st, yesterday was August 10th!!!!!! I told my beloved in-law that it was old and he said he had just drank it the day before. He smelled it and said it was fine, after reassuring me that it didn't make him sick when he drank it. After teasing me a bit he and my hubby convinced me to use it anyways. I poured some into a cup and found.......lumps!!!!! OMG are you Serious?!?! I teased him so much over this! Tonight when we came over, we brought him some new orange juice.

And since I'm sleep deprived, you'll have to wait until tomorrow, or whenever I catch up on all my sleep, to finish updating you all. In the mean time, you can be reassured that I didn't disappear or abandon everybody out there in blog land.

Blog M.I.A.

It seems I've been M.I.A. from the blog world lately. This keeps happening. I get a burst of inspiration and write and publish a few post in a day or two, then for a week you won't see anything from me. Does this happen to anybody else too? Maybe I should write a few different post and schedule them to publish. I know this is probably the best idea but I'm all about instant gratification. I can't wait for a scheduled post, I want it out there right away for your reading pleasure.

Speaking of pleasure and instant gratification, remember the book review and giveaway going on over at Cinnamon's for The Truth About Sex? Well, I just got a copy of it today and even though I've only got to read a few pages, cause of my little results from sex running around, but I already love it. I'm so thankful to Cinnamon for this book. I have trouble achieving an orgasm from just penetration and was always a little embarrassed about this. In the first few pages, this book has already assured me that I'm not alone. I can't wait to get a little deeper (pun intended!) into this book to see what other little bits of wisdom and info it has for me.

Which reminds me, any day now I should be getting my next product to review from Good Vibrations. This book plus a new toy? Oh yeah, it's on! So keep an eye out for my next naughty review.

Bad girl Cinnamon

I gotta give some love and pimp out my favorite bloggy friend Cinnamon who was just featured as a Bad Girl Blogger. I'm so jealous! lol. I'm not quite bad enough to be featured on there but I've got some time still. Plus I think Cinnamon could probably teach me a few things! They should have a Bad Girl in Training section! Anyways, everybody head on over and check her out. She's a truly amazing woman!

We've been friends since boys had cooties

I was talking to my BFF in Arizona earlier on Facebook and we were talking about how long we'd been friends. I made the comment that We've been friends since boys had cooties. Then I instantly said how that would make a great blog post. So here it is. To Silly, with love.

We met in Tucson, Arizona when she was 11 and I was 12. My sort of Aunt (my Dad's long time girlfriend's younger sister...did you follow that?) and Silly's older sister were best friends. I loved to tag along with T (my aunt) and she liked to tag along with M (her sis). They liked to dress us up and take us to the mall with them. It was awesome for us.

I moved across town and we lost touch for a little bit but freshman year I moved back to her neighborhood and we ended up at the same high school together. We were inseparable. Partners in crime is a phrase that was applied to us more than a few times! We never did anything to get in serious trouble or anything but if there were cute guys around, we were there. And if you saw a couple of girls dancing down the street dancing and singing Sisco's "The Thong Song" at the top of their lungs, that was us.

Well fast forward to about half way through our sophomore year and I did the unthinkable. I moved 2,000 miles away! I know, I'm terrible. That was 11 years ago. In that time, our lives have gone in different directions and we've lost touch a few times. But at the end of the day we're still best friends. We're still there for each other when we need a good cry or a giggle and we always will be.

We may have gotten over boys having cooties but we'll never get over being each other's friend. I love you Silly!

To spank or not to spank?

You've run out of Xanax and the kids are driving you nuts. Every 2 minutes somebody is crying or screaming, the baby is grabbing everything off of the table, somebody is tattling, toys are being thrown...and it's only 10am.

What do you do? Do you spank them? Do you yell and threaten? Does somebody get a time out? And if so, is the time out for you or them?

Ideally I try to avoid spankings or resorting to yelling and threats. "Try" being the key word here. I usually try giving time outs in the corner, one minute for each year of their age, or when I stop being side tracked by the other kids and remember that there is a child in time out. Then I make them tell me why they are in time out and I make sure to explain why their behavior is unacceptable. Then we end with apologies and hugs.
Now by dinner time my patience is getting very worn and after what feels like fifty thousand time outs between three kids and at least one time out for mommy, which consist of hiding in the bathroom, I do sometimes resort to yelling and threats of a spanking.

Most days I can manage without spanking somebodies butt but certain offenses are almost guaranteed to get a sore rear end. Doing something that can actually cause harm to themselves or each other, usually ends in a spanking.

I know a lot of people look down on parents who choose to spank their kids but there is a difference between spanking and beating. I think some people tend to forget that. I had my butt blistered a few times when I was a child and it didn't turn me into a mass murder or anything. I think that as long as you use spanking as a last resort, you don't get carried away with it, and you make sure that your child understands that you still love them, there is nothing wrong with using it as a discipline method.

Book teaser

Another wonderful writing prompt from Mama Kat

Grab your current read. Let the book fall open to a random page and share two “teaser” sentences from that page, somewhere between lines 7 and 12.

Outlander

by Diana Gabaldon

"I'm makin' love to my wife." he panted, breathless between giggling and fighting.

"Well, ye could find a more suitable place for it," she said, raising the other eyebrow. "That floor'll give ye splinters in your arse."

Also, I gotta pimp out my awesome bloggy friend Cinnamon. She just posted a review on a book called The Truth About Sex.

This books motto seems to be

If it feels good, and doesn’t interfere with your life, then DO IT.

Sounds good to me! The best part is she's also hosting a giveaway for a copy of this book!!!

So hurry up and get your butts over to Cinnamon's and enter for your chance to win!

10 things I'm sick of.

You just gotta love Mama Kat and her writing prompts!

List ten things you are currently sick of.

1. This freaking HOT weather!!!! OMG will Fall ever get here?!

2. Family members who think they are better than you, even though their lives are far from perfect also, but who insist on putting you down constantly.

3. College. What the hell is the point in trying to go to school when everything you try to take, there's no job market for?!

4. This too tiny apartment and potential landlords who turn out to be huge assholes.

5. The town we live in. There's hardly anything to do here and most of the kids are so bored that they turn to drugs. We will move before our kids get too much older.

6. PMS. I swear it feels like I just did this and already I can feel it coming on.

7. Writer's block and fear. I've always wanted to be a writer. But I have no idea what I want to write about or even how to go about it.

8. Having my living room tv on cartoons all day every day. I love my kids but if I hear one more corny children's song coming from my television I'm going to scream!

9. Did I already mention this hot ass weather? Yeah well, it deserves another mention because I AM SO DONE WITH SUMMER!

10. Three year old little boys who haven't got the hand of aiming yet and continue to pee all over the toilet seat every time they go potty! It's not that big yet, just point it at the damn hole!!!!!

Wow, I feel so much better now!

Pictures I should frame

This is my first attempt at one of Mama Kat's writing prompts so I chose a kind of easy one.

Photographs can turn a house into a home. Share a photograph that is not on your wall, but should be...if you weren't so lazy about actually putting it there.

This is my hubby and me on our wedding day. I used Photobucket to spruce it up a bit of course. In all the moving around we've done over the years a lot of our pictures have been lost. I don't actually have any of our wedding pictures hanging up right now. But for some reason I've always really liked this one of us. And that's saying a lot cause I hate having my picture taken!

Now going from sentimental to silly, this is my hubby and our son Hunter this past Father's Day. Some people may not want a picture like this hanging on their wall but this is a classic "Like Father, like son" moment,

Proof when they become hateful teenagers who can't stand each other that once upon a time they did in fact love each other.

And of course my baby girl Princess Holly Bear.







 

Blog Catch Up

I've been a very bad blogger lately. I'm sorry. I know you all must have been missing me like crazy. And if you haven't then at least humor me! lol. Ok, so let's play catch up now.

As you may have noticed from my last Seriously Thursday post, I've been extremely stressed out lately. I think it's giving me a case of writers block. I just haven't been able to come up with anything interesting to talk about lately. And it's not just on here either. I haven't talked to my BFF in like 2 days. Any of you who are familiar with me know that that just doesn't happen!

Saturday my brother-in-law and his 2 kids came over to visit and play. That was a really nice day. He's been really stressed out lately since he's not use to caring for a 9 month old and a 2 year old all by himself so he desperately needed a break. And I just adore playing with my little niece and nephew.And I gotta give him props, he's doing a wonderful job with his babies! Any singe ladies in the Ohio area, he's a great catch!

Speaking of babies, my oldest will be 8 years old on the 9th of this month. OMG how can she be that old already?! Where did the time go. Wasn't she just a toddler not that long ago? All of my kids are just growing too damn fast.

Is anybody reading any good books right now? That's another thing that has had me side tracked this past week or so. I'm re-reading Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. It's an 8 book series. I've only ever read the first 3, but I've read each of them at least twice since I was 18. This is my third time reading Outlander. I can't wait to get my hands on the rest of them in the series.

I don't even know how to explain the book exactly. It starts in the 1940s in the Scottish Highlands where the main character, Claire, is having a second honeymoon with her husband Frank. Somehow though she gets transported back in time to 1943 where she finds herself married to a Scottish clansman named Jamie. There's lots of passion, and intrigue to keep you captivated late into the night. I should know, I haven't been going to sleep until around 2am cause I don't want to put the book down!

Well, I guess I've updated you all enough on my fasinating life. Time to get back to my book. Happy Monday everybody!