I was 17 years old when my father deceided to touch my breast and tell me it was getting harder to think of me as just his daughter. I know there are many fathers who do worse stuff than that to their daughters, but for me that was devastating enough. All the years when I was younger that my uncle used to ask me if my father had ever touched me finally started to make sense. It wasn't too long after that that we moved out of state to be near my stepmother's family. For me that didn't last long. I went back to Ohio to live with my aunt that took care of me when I was little.
Long story short, life and who we become is made up of, and influenced by, so many different things. We are shaped by the things and people that happen in our lives. My mother was too young to have me. My father was too irresponsible to have me. There's no doubt that I love my parents, even if I don't always understand them. But I always end up dwelling on the things that have happend in life. They both had hard childhoods, which shaped who they became, and in turn shaped who I would become. The lack of attention from my mother is in part what I think made it harder for me to relate to my daughter the way I should when she was born. The being bounced around between family members, and all the attention they lavished on me to make up for my parents lack of interest in me, made me to where I didn't like to be alone. And I tried too hard to fit in and be what I thought other people wanted me to be. And whether I like it or not, my father was lazy and I ended up marrying a man who is also lazy.
None of these are excuses, they are just examples of our lives shaping us. But it doesn't have to be a bad thing. We can take the unpleasant things that have happend and turn them into life lessons and things to avoid. I try to do better with my children then my parents did with me. On some things I've succeeded and on others I've failded miserably. But I'm trying to realize these things now while my kids are little and to remember that it's never too late to change.