I need sleep!!!!!

Alright people, I'm seriously about to lose my mind! What's the problem you ask? My nine month old demon baby Riley! Oh don't get me wrong, she's adorable as hell and sweet and lovable as can be. At least during daylight hours. At night, when the rest of the house is peacefully slumbering she turns into a milk guzzling, use Mommy as a binky, screaming demon. I can actually time her, every two hours. At her age there's really no reason for her to be waking up this often. She use to sleep anywhere from four to six hours straight but evidently she has a twisted sense of humor. I don't know what to do. I've tried making sure her belly is full before putting her to bed, we have a bedtime routine, and I've even tried giving her a bottle of formula before I go to bed. Nothing works, she's still up in two hours. I considered that it might be teething cause she shows the signs of that so I gave her teething tablets. It didn't help. I really don't think she's that hungry all night. Either she's just really spoiled or she needs extra closeness and snuggling at night. But even that doesn't make sense. I'm with her all the time. Even the brief times that I am away from her, her routine stays the same. There haven't been any major changes in her life that would make her insecure. I'm at the end of my rope. And I'm a little worried about her safety because eventually Hunter and Holly are going to realize that Mommy's grouchiness is their baby sister's fault!

Who's afraid of the boobies...

I don't know if it's just because I'm breast feeding or if it's the strange company I keep, but we have a lot of conversations involving my boobs. Here's a facebook conversation that took place today, and no it was not in a private message either! It started with my status update this morning...

I am so tired of being woken up every 2 hours....

B: hey wake up

Me: no I don't wanna.... 

B: to F'ing bad i'm hungry mom 

Me: the boobies are out of order. 

B: bull shit tell daddy to get off them i need them 

Me: lmao he's afraid of them still! 

B:  lol 

Me: are you afraid of boobies B? lol 

B: no fear here 

Me: lol if they were filled with milk you would be. Or are you the kind that would just grab a pack of oreos and call it snack time? lol 

B: lol no i would grab some homemade chocolate cookies and go to town 

Me: lmao Riley might share her milk if you share your cookies! 

B: lol 

Now since all he had to say was "lol" in my mind I won!

Do you need a time out?

I was having a really bad morning today, I'll explain that in another post though, and Miss Riley decided that it was a good idea to scream all morning. Not actual crying, more like little bursts of piercing noise that makes your ears ring. After repeatedly telling her No, Sir (refresher on who this is on my About Me page) decided to put her in time out. Now let me remind you, Riley is 8 months old. She was in her walker, smacking the tray to make her snacks fly in every direction and carrying on with her new found voice, when Sir pipes up with "Riley Jean, do you need to go in time out?" Her response, Smack, scream, giggle. So he gets up, picks her up while still in her walker, takes her to the time out corner, stands there for a second like he's thinking "Shit, she can still move." And proceeds to stick shoes under the walker and against the wheels to keep it in place. Then he puts up the baby mattress that we use to block the hallway so she can't crawl off to her siblings room, yes we are truly that ghetto. She just happily sat there babbling away and laughing at him over the mattress! I don't know if this is one of those times where it's funnier if you were there, but I know I sure laughed my ass off.

Exorcist Baby!

Well the last week or so has been interesting. Miss Riley has been teething. Last Tuesday we had a cookout and she was perfectly fine. Wednesday morning I'm sitting in bed nursing her, she finishes eating, smiles sweetly, and then proceeds to give the meal back to me! Then she had the nerve to giggle! Now I sleep in just a bra and panties, TMI, I know. And I hadn't gotten around to getting dressed yet since it was still early. So imagine sitting cross legged with a baby on your lap. Now imagine the places that regurgitated breast milk went! Ewww right? She was so damn cute though that all I could do was laugh a little, sit her down and grab a towel. She laughed at me the whole time I cleaned up and changed. That child has a twisted sense of humor! Long story short, she puked for 24 hours, chewed on anything she could reach, threw up on my bed once more, switched to the "other" end for a couple days, and basically lived off of goldfish crackers and Kix cereal for a week. She's finally just starting to eat other foods and now only has occasional diaper explosions. Most of which I try to pawn off on Daddy or Aunt Dani! HaHa!!!

Boobs or no Boobs, that is the question

Riley is eight months old and I still breastfeed her. She enjoys it, I enjoy it, it's good for her and it's free. Lately Josh has kind of been pushing me to give it up. He won't flat out admit that's what he's doing but the little comments are enough. This really bothers me. I know he probably just misses my boobs, and I'll admit I miss the attention in that region, but to me it's not worth giving up yet. It's not like I plan on nursing her until she's eighteen. First tooth or one year, which ever comes first, is her cut off date. I've been slowly weening her. I offer her juice or actual food before nursing her so that she's not as hungry. And honestly, I really don't want to get up and make a bottle in the middle of the night when I can easily just pop a boob in her mouth.

Yeah it's a bit of an inconvenience sometimes when we are out in public. Not that it's difficult to keep the goods covered, it's more of trying to keep my belly and back from hanging out. If you're desperate enough to check out my boobs while there's a kid attached to them, that's on you, but God forbid you see my belly!

Not to mention, it means a lot to me that I've been able to stick with it this long. Each of the three kids before her didn't last this long nursing. With Jordyn, I only made it a week. I got really bad blood blisters with her. Hunter, lasted two months. His mouth was so little I had to use a nipple shield to help him latch on, then we moved in with my in-laws and he didn't appreciate having a blanket over his head during meals. And with Holly, I was hooked to a breast pump for the first six months of her life cause every time I put a boob in her mouth she fell asleep. Riley though took to breastfeeding like a pro. And she's my last baby so why not make the most of it.

And my kids understand that breastfeeding is a natural thing. It's actually what they were made for. Although if you ask my Grandma she says boobs are just there to make your shirts look good. It's not unusual to hear Hunter, who is five, tell me "Mommy, I think Riley needs to nurse." Or for three year old Holly to announce, sometimes while in public, "Mommy, baby sister needs to eat your booby." They understand that when a Mommy has a baby their boobs make special milk for the baby that's full of vitamins to help them get big and strong. If my young children can understand this concept, why can't a grown man? Just saying...

I don't wanna be top dog anymore....

My kids will bypass anybody in our household to get to me, whether they are crying, asking for something, have some little tid bit to share or have already been told no by another adult. No where is safe. Doesn't matter if I'm going pee, in the shower, trying to get something done, or asleep, all I hear is "I want Mommy!" There can be three different adults standing between me and a child, and they will attempt to pass by each of them even while being told no. Evidently, I'm top dog in our house. Sometimes I use this to my advantage like this, other times, I don't wanna be in charge.

I have many examples of this but here's the one that happened today. There's four adults in our house, yes we're out numbered but we're still bigger than them. But that's besides the point. Josh had fallen asleep on the couch, Sir fell asleep on the other end of the couch, and I fell asleep on Riley's blanket on the floor. No judging, I had a huge headache. Dani was in her room with the door wide open. I had just barely dosed off when I got woken up by Jordyn. I don't even know what she was saying other than that she was tattling on Hunter and/or Holly. Here's our conversation.

Me: Jordyn am I the only adult in this house?!
Jordyn:  No, but Sir gets grumpy if I wake him up.
Me: I was talking about Dani! She's awake!
Jordyn: Oh, Ok.

And she skips away.

If this is what it's like being top dog, I don't wanna be anymore...

Leaning tower of laundry

This is what's left over from yesterday,
not counting what is in the basket off to the
side, or counting what's in the
laundry room!

I know it's only Tuesday, but I don't feel like I've accomplished a single thing all week. Although, since weekends are more work than actual breaks, I don't know where one week ends and another begins. I have mounds of clean clothes in my room that need put away. I hate putting clothes away. Not so much mine, Josh's and Riley's, but Hunter and Holly's clothes suck. They just don't have enough room. They share a dresser and putting stuff on hangers limits them in being able to pick out their own outfits. Plus Miss Riley shares our room and she doesn't like to let me get anything done. In the morning it's coffee and computer time for me, play time for her. Then naps and lunch, for the kids not me. I can't be in my room then or Riley won't sleep. Even if I'm quiet it's like she senses me in the room. After they wake up it's snack time then back to playing. I can't put her in her crib to play cause that just pisses her off after she just spent two hours in there sleeping and if I put her on my floor I might never find her again. Yes, I know one less kid might sound like a bonus but I'm kind of attached to her. So I'm stuck running back and forth between the living room where she's playing to mine and the kids room trying to get this never ending laundry put away. It can take days this way to get it done and by then I've washed more clothes and added to the mess. It's a never ending cycle of craziness! Where are those damn cleaning fairies when you really need them?

No tattling

We have a lot of kids in our house, ok more than a lot. Some days I can't even count them all or keep their names straight. Anyways, because of how many there are, there is a lot of tattling! Enough that if you actually listened to it all, you would want to bash your head against a brick wall. Don't give me that look, I know you've been there too!

Hunter took my toy! Holly hit me! Aiden is hanging from the rod in the closet! Anthony choked me! Alexis won't talk to me! Jordyn won't shut up! Holly said I'm a jerk! Hunter said he hates me! Aiden said he's not my friend anymore! Holly and Aiden played in the dog poop! Is your brain starting to melt yet? Yeah mine too!

So now every time one of them comes to tattle I repeat the same thing.

• Dead
• Dying
• Bleeding
• Vomiting
• Diarrhea
• Bones protruding 
• Or siblings resorting to cannibalism

Unless it falls into one of those categories, shake it off, you'll be fine. I bet I'm going to be getting that Mommy of the Year award soon after this post! :)

Just hand over the coffee...

My household has caused me to take mommy brain to a whole new level. They have stolen my brain and passed it around amongst themselves.They've dropped it, thrown it, kicked it and just generally had a good ole' time with it. You remember those sticky hands your kids get out of the quarter machine that you find stuck to everything from the TV, to the carpet to the ceiling? You know how they get all nasty after hours of fun and abuse? That's how my brain was when my children finally gave it back to me. So at the end of the day, they have nobody but themselves to blame when I finally let out the crazy!

I start out most days normal, calm and sane. Usually after a night of broken sleep courtesy of my 7 month old, teething daughter, Riley. I've trained Hunter, 5 years old, and Holly, 3 years old, to play with their baby sister while I go pee and go to the kitchen to get them some breakfast and start the coffee pot. Mom of the year that I am, I usually start the coffee first. Then comes the ritual of telling Holly to get her panties and some pants on and hoping that she woke up with a dry pullup. Then telling her to try again cause her panties are sideways and her pants are on backwards. And trying to keep them from yelling or screaming too loudly and waking up grumpy uncle Sir, (I'll explain the name later) who is asleep in his room on the couch, at least until the coffee gets done. Hopefully the rest of the morning is calm and uneventful. On good days they don't even tattle on each other without asking me if I drank my coffee yet. Smart little cookies aren't they? On the average day I spend the morning telling Holly to stop running through the house, reminding Hunter it's nice to share the toys and occasionally pretending like I didn't see Holly hit her brother and call him a jerk after he again snatches a toy away from her. Luckily Riley is usually pretty good during this time, army crawling across the living room floor searching for any food that fell off her walker during her morning snack that I missed cleaning up. You're envious aren't you...

Thank goodness it was only my boobs!

Have you ever seen the post on facebook that says everybody has that one friend who makes all your other friends question your sexuality? For me that would be Kristina. I got the most random text from her the other day.

Kristina: How crazy are you?

Send me a pic of your boobs.

Me: lol Why?

Kristina: Cause I want it?

Me: lol Bra or no bra?

Kristina: No bra...

Me: Ok, hang on.

So I went into the bathroom and took a picture of my boobs! After I sent it and asked her what the purpose of that was, her response was "It's Wednesday, it's hump day!"

Now on to the main part of the story. Last night Josh and I had to go to an awards banquet with Lexi, our 14 year old, at her high school. Even though I was very proud of her for being presented with an award I really didn't want to go. It was semi formal, ugh, I am not the dress up kind of girl. But I love the pain in the butt teen so I sucked it up and got about as dressed up as I'm gonna get. So we're sitting there bored as hell but trying to act like we aren't when Lexi asked for my phone so she can show off pictures of her baby sister, Riley. Now her and I are very open an honest with each other so I had already told her about the text between Kristina and I. I reminded her when I handed her my phone NOT to scroll through my photo gallery. Evidently, she didn't tell her friend that...her male friend! All of a sudden I hear Lexi burst out laughing and I look up to see this boy, eyes as wide as saucers, hand clasped over his mouth, looking at me! All I could do in between embarrassed laughter was say "You scrolled didn't you?" I'm thankful for three things.

1. My face was not in the picture

2. It was only my boobs and not any other areas of my body

3. That boy was flaming gay!

Moral of the story. Don't hand teenagers your phone if you have anything that can be used against you as blackmail.