Facebook posts that made me giggle (#2)

Here's round 2 of Facebook posts that made me giggle. Some are mine and some are borrowed. If you recognize one of yours, thanks for sharing the giggles!

Father's Day is to thank your dad for not pulling out. Mother's Day is to thank your mom for not swallowing you..........just sayin!

I'm convinced that people who like their own statuses, also masturbate while looking at themselves in the mirror

A kid sat on the stairs with his cat and his smarties. As his mum watched he put a smartie in his mouth licked the cat and moved down a step. He then put another smartie in his mouth, licked the cat again and moved down another step. His mom puzzled at his actions asked what are you doing? He replied, I'm getting some practice and for when I'm older. How's that his mum asked? I'm popping pills, licking pussy, and moving on.

I am NOT convinced Bin Laden is dead! He just accepted my friend request..

Please copy & paste this to your status if you are constantly being asked to copy & paste something to your status by friends who copy & paste things to their status... Many people won't copy & paste this, but my true sarcastic friends will copy & paste it because they know this was copied & pasted from a dear friend in need of more stuff to copy & paste... Thank you!!! And don't forget the ♥... :o)~

Sad news! Please join me in remembering yet another great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71, Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play doh, 3 children, John doe, Jane doe, and Dildo plus they had one in the oven. Services were held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

another day.....haven't decided what mood I'm in yet.

Totally just dug a large bug out of my baby's mouth. He was pissed l was digging in his mouth. First l got the body like wtf! And had to go back in for the head in total mommy style. YUCK!

Remember when Blackberry and Apple were just a fruit?

YES!!!!! People I am a DORK THROUGH AND THROUGH,,,,but at Least my wife thinks my Lawnmower is Sexy/ Yeah! I know Tractor, but I am poor so all I got is a used Lawnmower....

I Had To File a Police Report Last Night: I fell asleep, and when I woke up I could not find my little friend, thought he fell off, or ran off,,Then I remembered, I was in the dark, without glasses on.....Dam it!!!!!!!

Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think …its a Teabag! Nasty People wtf were you thinking!
Rules of me:... #1 I am always right...#2 Just in case I am wrong see rule #1.

Do not ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think you are playing with yourself..