Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Terror in our home

There's a certain phrase that sends a shiver of terror down the spines of everybody in my household. It's not spiders or snakes, or even the threat of a natural disaster. It's something much more nightmarish. Do I have your complete undivided attention? Are you ready to hear the words that makes men, women and children shutter? Here it is.....

"Hunter needs a hair cut!"

I know you're probably laughing at me, thinking I'm being completely ridiculous and such a drama queen. But just ask anybody who has been a witness to this horrid event. It's not pretty! It starts off with the phrase "Sweetie, you need a hair cut." Simple statement right? But it's quickly followed by a loud shout of "NO! I NOT NEED A HAIR CUT!" We try being calm, telling him how handsome he's going to look afterwards..."NO!" Hubby chimes in with "But buddy, you're starting to look like a girl."..."NO, I NOT A GIRL!" We cajole, "Come on, be a big boy, let us cut your hair."..."NO, I NOT BIG ENOUGH!" By then our patience is wearing out. So off to the bathroom we go with a struggling, screaming 3 year old in tow.

That's not even the truly scary part. Now that we're in the bathroom, I sit on the lid of the toilet and wrap my arms around the boy, while at the same time trying to hold his head still and stay out of the way of the clippers. What follows is more screaming, from the child as well as my hubby and myself. We bribe, we sweet talk, eventually we threaten everything we can think of as well as legally do to him. His sisters keep peeking in cause they think we're killing their brother, hell the neighbors probably think we are too.

Just when I finally get him to hold still for a second, he jerks again and the hubby accidentally cuts too much hair off. So now we have to redo what we already managed to get done so that it's even and he ends up with pretty much no hair at all.

When we're finally finished and I can let him up, we're both covered in hair from head to toe, I've got his tears and snot all over my arms, he has it all down his face. The hair mixed with all this wetness not only has the hair sticking to him, but it's irritating his sensitive skin. Now comes the only part he likes about this whole ordeal...bath time. Once he's in that water, it's like nothing ever happened. Hubby and I are still traumatized and snapping at each other and I have to bathe this little monster!

Now do you see how that one little phrase can strike terror in all our hearts? And guess what? That phrase has been softly muttered a lot lately. But we've been putting it off...

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